unholy confessions.

Moved, for good.

2009-11-24T16:05:00.002+08:00

http://dropdeadbimbo.tumblr.com

moved, and it's for good.

ps: all you ever wanted, well, now, i'm gonna give it to you.

you are just a piece of shit to me.

ungrateful, wrecked human being with heartless attitude.

hear me out, i'm not gonna intrude in your life at any cost.

just because you live your life happy, you're gonna stay that way, forever, no.

yes, i'm saying this one more time, you are such an ungrateful human being i have ever met in my life.

i am still me, you are different. ACCEPT THAT!

we are through babe..

we are done and over with.

Gone curls and angry faces

2009-10-27T01:01:00.000+08:00

Hey! It's been hell alot of weeks since i last blogged.
I'm truly blessed that i have wireless network and a psp. which makes me such a lazy bitch to surf the net on the bed.
and thank goodness my psp is back to normal after few months in the ICU. haha!

good news people!
dearest boyfriend not only passed his class 3 license, but class 4 as well!
he already book his official TP in private on dec. sexcited babe!

on a lighter note, i miss him like crazy.

till my next update. goodnight!

Pissed, no?

2009-10-06T18:24:00.002+08:00

Slacked at home, ordered pizza to myself and ended up still feeling hungry.

Basically, I've got nothing to do today but to just rest myself before my 3 consecutive days of work starting from tomorrow.

Pure boredom.

Darling baby kush fetched me from work yesterday.

Sweet right my dear??? *flips hair*

I love every time we spent together though both of us are tired from work.

Oh, guess what? He'll be having his TP tomorrow!

Hope he will bring me good news. ((:

And damn, I missed him.

Okay bitch, gotta go now.

Take care people!

(;

2009-09-29T21:33:00.002+08:00

Hello there!

Had a freaking 12 hours of sleep today.

And I woke up with an unbearable headache till now.

Overall, was worth the sleep!

((:

Yesterday, was indeed my happiest day at work, for the first time.

Not even a Monday blues for me at all.

No idea why or what.

HEHEHE!!

Greeted by my dearest Boyfriend after a long day at work.

Picked me up on a bike, headed to West Coast Park for dinner.

Dinner, that was packed by himself from home.

Such a sweetheart of him to do such things which I don't even expect.

Even if I had to wait for quite sometime before his arrival, the night was well spent.

I couldn't stress how much I really love you from the bottom of my heart.

During the usual midnight talk, the hours was stretched with him talking about those old cartoons during our time.

Though he's tired and have to go work the next day, he even forced me to entertain him with whatever he has to say.

Such cuteness.

I think this entry is going to be a long one, so bear with it okay.

So last weekend, I managed to wear my brand new kebaya after so long.

Along with my aunt and cuzzies, we went 3 houses.

Of which I was complaining to my cuzzies on not receiving green packets since we've started working.

Seriously, it doesn't make any sense at all.

Even if we work, we don't earn much.

And as someone who is way older than us, do you think you're going to be poor if you give us some green packets since we really don't have a big family relations?

For your info, this happens once a year. ONCE.

I'm not being angry of not receiving any of this money.

The real intention is to just do some house visiting, being able to meet relatives after so long.

And after every visit, they will ask (with green packets on their hand), "Are you working?"

If we said yes, they will put the money back in their pocket.

Now tell me, wouldn't you be pissed enough?

Money is indeed a very sensitive issue.

Seriously, fuck.

To put it in a simple logic, kids doesn't know much about money compared to us. They will simply get the money, passed it to their parents and the parents ended up using the money.

True enough?

On a random note, seriously random, our very own Ris Low has decided to strip the title off from the pageant.

Who would have thought she had a fraud case.

Sad enough after the mockery of her language, another thing pops out.

And good enough, she quits.

I think I've crap for wayyy to long already.

Goodnight people!

Hari Raya, no?

2009-09-22T23:39:00.002+08:00

Goodness! I haven't been updating for soo freaking long.

Pardon me.

It's nice to see that the blogger's layout is back to normal.

But I reckon it will stay like that for long.

Still, Im gonna change it soon.

First day of raya is packed with lots of guests.

Seriously, I can't go out during first day.

Since coincidentally it's my Mum's Birthday on the 20th Sept, we celebrated as well.

And I still, haven't bought her anything yet.

Mind you, Im damn busy.

Second day was boring.

I don't get to visit my Grandma (I know, Im bad)

Basically, spend the day sleeping cuz me and Mum get to sleep at 3 plus am last night.

Third day, my aunt and little rascals came down to my place.

Just a casual visit.

Had my menstrual cramps (seriously, thanks!)

Boyfriend came down as well.

Was supposed to went out with him but instead, he came down to visit me.

Babysit the little rascals and was damn kecoh.

They went home, and here I am, blogging.

It seems that the festive season is not as happening as the previous years.

I just don't have the spirit to celebrate it anymore.

The only one that I'm looking foward to is to meet my West Coast Gang, The Kentals and Boyfriend.

Alright then, time to sleep.

I'm starting my work tomorrow.

Oh great!

Goodnight!

-__________-"

2009-09-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

One day off is not enough for me.
I need more off days.
Tskk!
Having 14 days of work doesn't make any difference to me.

Oh and by the way, never EVER have your dine-in at Jurong Point's Delifrance Bistro.
Worthless service!
I have yet to write in to them stating my dissatisfaction with their services.
Wasted my friggin' 50 bucks on 2 dishes and 2 drinks.

Pissed.

Im Outta Home

2009-09-08T13:54:00.000+08:00

I just can't stand being at home.
Correct me if I'm wrong. Who would want to be at home when all you hear was just purely naggings of the SAME OLD STORY over and over again.
I shall not disclose what it is cuz it's a very personal topic that she nagged about.

Personally speaking, during an off day, is a blessed that you are able to relax peacefully.

For me, it's hell.

As much as I really want to spend my day at home, breaking fast together as a family, the situation forced me to go out from this house cuz it's such a nuisance hearing all these blabberings; not only created more sins but the more you hear, the more it drives you crazy.

I have had enough of this nonsense. The bad things that I have influenced is not from outside of the house. It starts from inside. Irony, isn't it? How people thought it's the other way round.

I'm pretty disappointed with the actions from both my parents. Not only I didn't received much love from my Dad since young, my only hope from Mum has crushed.

I just wished that I would have a sibling of my own for support.

Frankly speaking, I have no one to turn to, except for my only boyfriend and certain friends of mine.

But what is they're not around?

I really don't deserved to be treated this way. Yes, the only thing that I turn to them is about money. Can money buy love? Obviously not.

Forgive me Mum, you are becoming the person that I don't wish to have.

Forgive me Dad, you are just one worthless human being that I've ever come across.

Splendid Sunday

2009-09-07T16:54:00.000+08:00

"Don't look at me and waiting....
It was an honest mistake.....
LALALALALALALALA........"

HAHA! Some old classic song from The Bravery titled An Honest Mistake.
I remembered how I used to go crazy over this song.
With my hair brush on my hand as a microphone and sang it in front of the mirror.
Psycho sak nie pompuan!

If Im blogging at this hour, which means Im not working!
Happy lah seyy!
2 days off for me to catch up on my beauty sleep. (:

Yesterday was damn splendid being able to spend the night with the Zoo mates.
Meet the old and the present people.
Hang out at Malay Village having Iftar together and walked around the entire Geylang searching for DENDENG and fireworks.

Endless of laughters and photo taking sessions made my Sunday Night.
Looking foward to other future outings with these bunch of great people.
(:

I miss my dearest friends, like alot!
You know who you guys are.

And I miss my drebar boyfriend. TSKK!

Tired Nyerrr!

2009-09-03T22:25:00.002+08:00

Okay lahh. Lydia is so damn kental to upload pictures from Photobucket.
HOHOHO!
I just love my hair lah kans!
And nope! I haven't perm my hair yet.
Natural waves yaww!
(:

I have no comments on work today, cuz basically I screwed up alot of things.
Like I've told most of my colleagues, that I just don't have the patience with all this nonsensical phone calls.
Ending up breaking down.
Yeah, just like what Firdaus (my colleague) quote,"Lydia, I see that you don't have the confidence to be an Operator." TSKKK!

Lydia is just full of complains.
Complain Drag Queen.
-____-"

One day down, three to go.
Looking foward to this weekend cuz THE PAY is coming in bebehh!

I better get going since I'm feeling dammmmmn sleepy.
Chiao~

Twenty-Fifth Monthsary Yaww!!

2009-09-01T22:48:00.000+08:00

2 years and 1 month has passed.
My goodness!
I don't know that I could keep this relationship up till now.
Imagine the endless obstacles that me and him have to overcome to get this far.
I am really blessed to have this relationship.
Blessed to be given the opportunity to be able to love someone after a year over being single.

Planned to meet up today.
Since the weather is not forgiving enough for us to go out, we decided not to.
Moreover, the cooling weather makes me wanna sleep so bad since it's my off day today and tomorrow.
(:

I'm pretty much excited for this month's pay cuz it's gonna be the BOMB!
Looking forward to shop with Boyfriend dearest!
Since it's been eons since we last had a proper shopping.

My Kentalan GFS, meet up soon okayy.
I want to buke again with you guys.

Okay, I need to go now.
Boyfriend is waiting for me to call him.

Goodnight!

Let's Get High on Sheesha

2009-08-28T16:34:00.002+08:00

Last night was THE BOMB!
The KENTALS had a gathering supposedly at Night Safari.
Due to time constraint, we buke-ing at Kampong Glam area.

After brainstorming for quite awhile where we should be heading to next,
the sheesha word get stuck in my mind.
Soooo............

We had sheesha at last!

I still remembered the last time I sheesha-ed.
It was 3 years ago!
The last time my West Side ITE Boy friends and I got screened by the police after we sheesha-ed.
I was high on sheesha. HAHA! Kental sakk.

So yah, I got high again last night.
Too bad, I don't have Sampoerna on the other hand.
Or else... HEEHEEHEEHEE!

*Sape cakap muke aku tak pernah pegang rokok??*
TSK TSK TSK!

The Kentals, you guys should know where we should be heading to after raya.
(((((:

Okay, I need to get ready to go out later.
BYE!

Lazying Around.

2009-08-25T18:47:00.000+08:00

Hey I'm back to use my desktop now.
HAHA!
Just feels like using desktop since BF wants is lappie back in few days time.
So I need to re-adjust myself to use the computer.

Good news.
Im off from work today.
But will be back tomorrow. DUHZ! Doesn't make any difference.

September Roster is out!
And yes, I got all my 14 days of work throughout the entire month.
((:

Here's the list of 14 days:
-4th (Friday)
-5th (Saturday)
-6th (Sunday)
-9th (Wendesday)
-10th (Thursday)
-12th (Saturday)
-13th (Sunday)
-14th (Monday)
-18th (Friday)
-23th (Wednesday)
-24th (Thursday)
-25th (Friday)
-27th (Sunday)
-28th (Monday)

(((((((:

Again, it happened.

2009-08-22T21:50:00.000+08:00

Im not really sure whether Blogger is aware of the current problem that we are facing now.
Its getting out of hand already.
Maybe it's the right time to switch to another host.
TOO BAD BLOGGER!

On the other hand, Happy Fasting to all Muslims!
Was out with BF to the ICA to get our passports done.
Cuz my photo is outdated and his one has already expired.
Got to know each have to pay 70 bucks.
Ended up we took individual photos and laugh the crap out of each other faces.

Met Mum and Aunt to the JobsCentral Career Fair at Suntec City.
Damn packed, damn small, not much varieties compared to JobsDB.
Overall, I just signed up as Pharmacists and another job from LTA.
Really, I wasnt into that "job-seeking" mood when I reached there.
tskkk.

Had to work tomorrow and Monday.
I just cant wait for my September Roster to be out.
((:

I miss my Kentals sooo much.
And yes, let's meet up on Thursday please.
Cuz i will be finishing my work at 6.30 instead of 6.
Suggested venue: Lot One Foodcourt.
I will see you bitches soon!!

Lotsa Love.

One MC, One Day Off.

2009-08-18T17:06:00.000+08:00

I keep on procrastinating to keep my blog updated but it seems to no avail.
Ive been very damn busy (of course lahh, 22 days work, worst than full time job lohh).
For the fact that I paid back my fasting period of 9 days straight,
Ive becoming skinnier just like my Mr Phil (skelly model) in my ITE classroom.

Urgh! Im blabbering crap.

An update about something that is soooooo long ago.
The trip to Tanjung Pinang.
Just me, Mum and Aunt (Charlie's Angels you know)
Had a homestay over at Mum's ex colleague.
And most of it, shop like mad and play with cute baby.
HAHA!

Bought mostly make up stuffs.
Stuffs whereby I cant find it in Singapore.
Nearly bought a Chanel Blush but it's toooooooo pink and I hate it.
Ended up buying most of Revlon products.
And oh!! My very first M.A.C eyeshadow. (HAPPY BANGETT!)

Last but not least, I finally bought Calvin Klein's Euphoria for Men and Women.
Cool shit or what??
2 perfumes for less than 30 bucks.
And it's original. (((:

Okay, that's it for the update on my holiday.

After a good 4 days of rest, I had to work 5 days straight.
I cant really take it on the 4th day, which lead me to take an MC on the 5th day.
My body is seriously damn aching.
I dont have enough sleep.
I keep on feeling cranky.
Not doing any justice to my body at all.

I have a feeling to quit this job cuz it's seriously not worth to work for loooong hours just like full timers
with the pay of 6 bucks.
I got to find a proper job, really.

That botakboy will be POP-ing soon!!
And he's in the driver's course.
Happy for him indeed ((:

Cant wait for Friday night.
Wanna meet up with that botakboy and shop till we drop!
<3

Till then.
I want to order KFC online now.
HEHEHE.
OK BYE!

Loser Lydia

2009-08-12T17:48:00.001+08:00

Like love has its ups and downs.
Im dreadful dealing with the current situations now.
Endless arguments and being hard-headed isn't going anywhere.
In your eyes, everything I did was wrong.
Damn wrong.

I miss the old us.
I miss how we used to still joke around even if we're damn pissed with each other.
I miss you even more than you missed me.
I want all this bickering to end.

I'm sorry for not being able to understand you.
I'm sorry for not being there for you.
I'm sorry for being nasty and harsh in my words.

But deep down, I will always love you like no other.

Da kenape dengan Blogger???

2009-08-04T16:42:00.000+08:00

Finally, a decent off day for me after surviving four straight days of work.
Starting tomorrow onwards, is another one hell of four days work again.
TSKK. Busy busy Lydia.

Quick update about my current life.
Obviously been busy with work that I hardly have any time for myself nor others.
I miss shopping.
I miss movie watching.
I miss dating with the Boyfriend.
I miss my lepak sessions with dearest girlfriends.

I miss the old life.

But what the heck, I need money.
To further my studies.
And get engaged. (Part nie merepek.)

On a random note, I want to MARROON-IFIED my hair.
Sounds cool?
But I dont know when I got the time to the salon.

A lil shoutout to my Kentals.
Wanna go foot reflexology???
HAHAHAHA!! I know Im random but Im desperately need a massage.
(:

Oh well, I cant wait for Saturday!
A proper date with the Boyfriend.
Happy me!

Happy 2 Years Anniversary

2009-08-01T23:58:00.004+08:00

Happy Two Years Anniversary KhaLya!
I am so damn glad that Im able to hold on to this relationship,
despite all the hardships and obstacles that we have went through.
This year, things has been tough for us.
But, nevertheless, at the end if the day,
it's the love between each other that matters.

Two years is indeed not a short period of time.
I can simply say goodbye to all my god damn ex boyfriends of mine,
because practically, they dont even deserve to be with me for just less than a year.
This is my first time having the longest relationship ever and Im gonna leave it as it is.

Thank you for being the special someone in my heart.
All the sacrifices that you have made for me.
All the heartaches that you have been through.
All the patience that you have on me.
I appreciate it, a whole damn lot.

It has always been you who love me inside out.

Hoping to celebrate more monthsaries and anniversaries with you in the future.
Who knows?
We might just be fated to be together.
Insyallah.

LYDIASTRIA LOVES MUHAMMAD KHAIRI.
<33

Like WTF

2009-07-30T18:24:00.000+08:00

Damn pissed.
DAMN DAMN DAMN!!

Starting tomorrow onwards, its hell break loose.

I got to work.
But I dont want to work there.
Im so dragggggyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

OH MY GOD!

For You, My Saviour

2009-07-29T23:21:00.000+08:00

Guess what?
I'm on MC today because due to my cramps.
And my manager sounded pissed over the phone.
I know I have to call up before 9, but I couldn't wake myself till she called me up.
Really, I can't sleep throughout the night due to the pain I have to endure.
You don't even want to know how bad my cramps are.

Called Boyfriend up, thank God he's willing to accompany me to the doctor.
Yeah, from Simei all the way to Clementi just to send me to the clinic.
Because, he knows what to do when I have cramps.
Being there for me.
Blessed to have him? You bet!

After spending 30 bucks for prescriptions and consultations, had our lunch at Macdonalds.
Being force to eat so yahh.
Since my weight now is 46.8KG!!!!
Tell me about it, Im damn skinny.

Send him off cuz he has to book in today.
And Im off to nurse my crampy tummy.

My 2 years Anniversary with him is just around the corner.
Little did I know that time passes very fast.
As we reminiscing about the past just now, we could still clearly remember the days before we got together.
As some might know, it's the Bridge Leader Camp that I attended exactly 2 years ago.
That 3D2N camp.

So, what did I do on the 29th at this hour?
Reached home from Bugis.
With him and my other camp members.
After a long day from camp, we decided to go home and went out again to chill at Bugis.
Eating at Tong Seng and playing pool.
Him being so "mentel" to stick with me whenever we walk as a group.
And that's when he confessed that he had a crush on me at the staircase near the lift to the MRT.
He gave me a kiss on my cheek before we went on our separate ways home.
Sweet enough to be my Boyfriend? HEHEHEHE!

I'll update again tomorrow just what happened to us two years ago.
I am so excited!!
Though we cant really celebrate on the very day itself, I wish I could fulfill my plans with him whenever we're free.

ILYMK.

August Roster

2009-07-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

Well, the August Roster is out.
I don't think I'm able to survive with 22 days of work.
Tell me about it. I'm a part-timer but I work full shifts.

Hectic August.
Plans all ruined.
Hell break loose.

I'll post up my schedule later.

This is going to be OH-SO-BAD-MONTH for me.

Come Fly Away With Me..........

2009-07-27T16:29:00.000+08:00

My head spins around listening to house music.
I feel like I'm on the dance floor; dancing those blues away.
The blues that I have been enduring for the past month.
Take me away baby, take me to the world where there is nothing but smiles and peace.

Alright, alright.
It seems like I'm hallucinating with drugs.
Okay whatever.

On a lighter note, OFF day till tomorrow.
Good news, Boyfriend is booking out today and having his appointment tomorrow as well.
Happy shiet or what?
Still unsure what's gonna happen on this coming Saturday.
Sure I'll received one bad news or luck strikes on me real bad, I'll received two.
One, it's either he is not booking out. OR I'll be having massive cramps on the day.
Something that is not worth to look forward to.
TSK!

Damn, I'm so bored.
And I'm feeling damn hungry, but too bad, I'm fasting.

Random Lydia.

My off day

2009-07-24T16:19:00.002+08:00

The blogger entry page looks damn weird.
But what the heck.

Ive been off for 2 days straight but the bad news is that I have to work on the weekends.

And! A very draggy Saturday for me tomorrow. TSKKK!

Im pretty much excited counting down the days to the big TWO.
I dont have the cash yet, but somehow, I shall make do of what my colleague has given me. *wags eyebrow*

Overall, I dont feel like continuing my work at Zoo due to some personal opinions. Well, let's just put that aside, shall we?

My baby has been doing not-so-fine in his NS.
I just hate how he tells me about the cocked-up people there.
He has been taking MCs for no apparent reason and has to go to and fro from Jalan Bahar to Simei.
What?? Think he got so much money mehh going here and there and the pay is sooo damn low?

I hate how the system works there. I hate how stupid the people are in dealing such serious matters such as H1N1.

And I hate how he has to extend his weekends to complete his missed out lessons. SO, meaning, instead of him booking out every Friday and book in by Sunday night, NOW, he has to book out on Saturday evening and book in on Sunday.

READ: IM WORKING ON WEEKENDS.

Which means, I cant get to meet him.
See the logic??

National Service sucks. Especially to those who are attached, like him.

So tell me, where is the love??

Damn tired?

2009-07-18T12:54:00.004+08:00

I have been working for the past few weeks and neglecting the internet world.
Pardon me, Im just being workaholic here.
How's life so far?
Hmm.... Has been fine I must say.
I miss going out with my girlfriends and my lepak bunch of friends.
Damn, how I wish Im not working on the weekends.

Baby's here with me in the library.
Soooo damn happy lah kan.
Guess what, KhaLya will turn 2 next month.
SUKER AKU!

Anyways, Ive got nothing to update on.
Anything, find me in Zoo okayy.

((((((((:

Confession of a Broken Hearted Daughter

2009-07-07T17:28:00.005+08:00

Dear Mother,

Don't you know that I have done so much things for you just because I do care alot for you.
Though I don't have siblings of your own blood, at least I still care though my actions doesn't seem to be appreciated in your own eyes.
What did I do to deserve all those harsh words from you my dear Mother?
I have tried my very best to be the daughter that you have always wanted.
I have tried my very best to continue my studies till I get my Diploma just because I wanted you to know, that I'm doing all this for you.
I don't want you to feel so sad if I used your money for studies and ended up not producing anything.

I have been breathing for the past 20 years in life and I have not seen a family that is so perfect in my eyes.
Chaotic sounds of screaming and tears filled the house every time I step both my foot in the house.
Battling of rights and the hard-headed attitude of you people drives me nuts.
Mother, why can't you let an only daughter of yours be the saviour to this broken family?
I can't just leave you two have a never-ending arguments.
I am mature and old enough to judge who is right and who is wrong.

Mother, your words really has crossed the line.
Don't you know that I have never felt so hurt before until you said all those harsh things?
Why do I even get to see the world when none of you has ever appreciate my existence?
Am I born in this world by force???

You made me sad Mother.
You made me cry so bad in my life.
You made me hate you.
You made me hate everybody in the house.
You have made me to be the person whom you don't wish to have.

Mother, I have always pray to God to soothe your heart.
I have never liked Dad since I'm a teenager.
Since I am able to think right.

Dear God, please..
I don't feel like coming home tonight.
I don't want hell to break loose once again.

Dreadful

2009-06-26T00:33:00.002+08:00

Okayy....
Let's just say, that I'm really not in the mood to type looonng entry.
Cuz I AM STILL FEELING TIRED EVEN THOUGH TODAY (FRIDAY) IS MY 2ND DAY OFF FROM WORK.
Im feeling soooo dreadful, I don't know why.
Maybe it's beacuse I am not used to the environment I supposed.
And oh!
That draggy bus ride to zoo makes me feel so unmotivated. tskkk.

Really hoped that Boyfriend would pick me up from work on Saturday cuz I'm doing closing till 6.45.
And really hoped that the people I'm gonna work with is the "gerek kaki" people.
If not, I WILL DIE OF BOREDOM.

Am looking foward to pick my botakboyfriend later from camp.
SOOOO MOTIVATED!

Off to sleep now.
Goodnight!

Sing-a-Long Session with dearest Bestie (:

2009-06-25T15:12:00.005+08:00

Dearest LiLiy came to my house for lepak-ing session last Tuesday.
Ended up karaoke-ing using Boyfriend's lappie.
Will be uploaded another 2 more videos later.

Enjoy (:

Sundayyyyy Morning.

2009-06-21T23:44:00.002+08:00

Heyy there!
Sorry I couldn't find the right time to update my blog cuz my weekends is packed.
To be able to spend the entire weekend with him makes me feel contented.
A plus point for me if he said that he enjoys his time with me. (:

Had zoo training on customer service yesterday.
And he sent me from Simei all the way to zoo, drenched in rain.
Yes, the both of us.
Lucky him, he brought along his rain jacket.
If not, I just created a very bad impression on the people who attended the training.

Thanks to his friend, for tagging along.
And waited for me till it ended at 9.
Love you honeyy!

And today....
He woke up early in the morning to send me to Ang Mo Kio Clinic to get myself a flu jab.
Yes, I have to travel all the way there thanks to him and Phantom.
Damn it, the doctor doesn't show any mercy on me.
I admit, I'm afraid of needles.
So I gave him and Boyfriend my 50 cents face when the doctor pierced the needle into my soft skin. ((:

Had breakfast over at Macdonalds before we headed home.
Though he had to book in today, he still managed to sacrifice his time with me even if he is extremely exhausted.

I'm so excited for tomorrow!
My first day of work at Zoo!
Hope it will go on smoothly..

Even if the guests creates problems, this is the kind of smile I will give.
HAHA!

Gotta sleep now.
Goodnight!

Some Random Shits

2009-06-18T01:33:00.004+08:00

Im sick and tired of not being able to have any commitment at the gym.
Really, the sight of my sister and her boyfriend irks me.
I know, why is there a need to bother about all this when you are just there to exercise.
It's the ambiance, people. The surrounding.
My mood just plunges down below when I see them.
Feels like throwing my 5kg dumb bell right on their faces.
Ok whatever Lydia, because no matter what, I can't run away from her.
Same Dad, mind you, but of different Mum.

Am waiting for this Friday to meet the NS boy in blue.
Looking foward to it since he has been having all those emoshit feelings of being lonely there.
He must be missing his family who are off to Cameron Highlands till this Saturday.
And I'm far away from him.
Poor thing. ):

Alrighty then, I've been yawning like 98734567621 times.
Guess I shall head to bed now.
Take care everybody and goodnight!

Public Viewing

2009-06-17T14:41:00.005+08:00

The blog is back to normal to public viewing. Suker??
HAHA!
Spend long hours to edit here and there.
Special thanks to Ayunie Love for getting this template for me.
Overall, I'm very satisfied with it.

So how's the work, if you ask me.
Well, pretty fine.
Except for the part where I had to stand for a very long hours.
Cheyy.. Like I never stand for long hours like that.
I got accepted into the family, so Alhamdulillah. ((:
Will be starting my first day of work next Monday.

When I am coping fine with this new job, on the other hand, somebody doesnt do well back in the camp.
Vomitting almost 4 times and get jab for 3 times.
Stupid NS.
He is just homesick, as per normal but to get jab for 3 freaking time is so unreasonable.
Somemore, the Medical Officer is a trainee.
Anyhow jab people, lucky that bastard.
If not he will get jab by me ON THE FOREHEAD!

2 more days before he is out for his 2nd book out.
Sungguh hapiee!

Eh eh, my song very nice to hear, you know.
Don't forget to shake shake your body, okay??
Cuz, I'm shaking like nobody business.
((:

I'm so freaking busy editing here and there until I forgot to bathe.
HAHA!

Before I forget,

Happy Belated Twenty-th Birthday Dearest Bestie!!
I love you! I love you! I love you!
Stop being so kiddish okayy!
Grow up grow up!!
<3

OK GO!

2009-06-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

The Birthday Boy in his attire.
It feels weird to see him dressed so smart and "handsome".
Well, not that handsome but HOT LAH SEYY!
Hohoho!!

His birthday was spent with me going out early to meet him over at Simei.
Along with his shopping list, we head down to Eastpoint to shop for his stuffs.
Had lunch and over to his house to pack his things.
Oh, I love the bag like verrryyyy much.

Simply say, though the celebration was simple, but it was worthwhile to be remembered.
The day where he spend his big day talking non stop.
And yeap, the old Khairi is back.
Im blessed that I still belong to him.

Send him till Boon Lay where he met his friends and Im off to Juu's house to take tshirt.
It's for tomorrow.
Havent I tell you that I will be working at zoo like tomorrow???
Gosh! Im so nervous like hell.

As much as I am nervous, he too is nervous for tomorrow.
No, no. Not because of me having crushes on zoo guys, its just that his training will be much tougher than before.

Wish me luck people.
I am sooooo ready for tomorrow.
TAKE CARE SIOLS!

You are the reason that I breathe
You are the reason that I still believe
You are my destiny
Jai Ho.

2009-06-14T01:13:00.002+08:00

Happy 22nd Birthday Muhammad Khairi Bin Zulkifle.
May you blessed with all the joys and happiness in life with me.
Since this is my second time celebrating with you, Im sorry that this time, the celebration isnt that grand, unlike last year where I bring you to Singapore Flyer.
I hope that cap stays with you till your hair is back to normal.

I know the first week of NS has almost taken its toll on you.
Im sorry for hiding and avoiding things that I have found out.
It has already been settled now and I dont brood over the matter.
All I know that you are faithful to me and there can never be the same Lydiastria in any other girls.
The only person that knows you inside out is me, myself and I.
Not even your friends.

I hoped whatever that had happened is a lesson for the both of us.
These things occurred to immature people.
As for us, we are adult enough to handle such situations.

For once I realised that, if we were meant to be,
we were meant to be.

I love you dear.
Nobody else but just you.
Mwahhs!

2009-06-11T00:21:00.002+08:00

sometimes in you, i find my strength.
sometimes in you, i break into tears quite alot.
sometimes i feel that i can go far with you.
sometimes i feel that there is too much things that i have to overcome, and ended up being drifted apart.

"honesty".
the most crucial part of a relationship.
it isnt about the trust.
you can never completely trust a person 100%.
even married couples dont.

i felt sucky, that's for sure.
i wanna run away.
escape myself from this mad environment.

i dont want it to fail, yet again.
so please, dont invite troubles that may affect us.

2009-06-05T22:16:00.002+08:00

menstrual cramps + knee pain = very very angry Lydia.
i hate it when the cramps starts to crawl in.
and there is nothing i can do about it but to just force myself to sleep.
this knee pain i have been enduring for years starts to come back again.
damn it, i hate being active.

4 more days before he enters into NS life.
i dont know how am i suppose to cope with it.
definitely sad, cuz i cant meet him as often
and communication will be another problem.
i hope i am strong enough to endure all this.

my two favourite people in the world will be celebrating their birthdays very soon.
Boyfriend dearest and Juu dearest.
still cracking my head as to what gift should i present to them.
since im not working at the moment.
*ponder*

still, this tummy aches but not that drastic like in the afternoon.
im bored cuz my psp is currently under ICU.
damn.

oh and btw, here's a message to dear Boyfriend.

Thank you for taking your time to be with me on the Wednesday night.
We havent been doing this for awhile but like we always promised, it has to be done at least once a year.
To explore Singapore beyond midnight; just the both of us and Phantom.
To be with you is like a dream come true.
Though we always argue and having the mindset of not giving up to each other.
We are different from the other couples.
Not those lovey dovey ones; we are unique in our own ways.
I cant believe that KhaLya will turn 2 in two months time.
It isnt a short period of time.
We struggled and overcome alot of obstacles throughout these year.
It's all worthwhile isnt it?
You and I both standing strong, up till now, still loving each other like how we used to in the past.
Im glad I bumped into you by accident.
Look to where it has brought us now.
I never looked back; regretting that I have made such decision.
Instead, Im blessed.
Blessed to have this relationship after countless of heartaches.
Blessed to be able to show the different side of me.
Blessed to have you, Muhammad Khairi.

I love you. 831.

uno dos tres quarto

2009-06-02T16:58:00.005+08:00

The Babu Bandits Reunion.

Aching body = Whinning Lydia.
I was being drilled by brother to train up at the gym yesterday.
Though I always make fun of him being such a blurr sotong, so he took the opportunity to torture me.
THANKS EHH BROTHER!

I am so going to meet this two lovely babies tomorrow at my Aunt's place.
Cant wait to squeeze their faces.

Till then, enjoy listening to this song that makes my butt shakes non stop.

screams!

2009-05-29T17:53:00.003+08:00

My old time favourite song.
Loveee that sexy outfit he wore.
I know the music video is kinda lame.
I dont know how many times I sang along.
And yes, plus that very high pitch tune.

With my crazy personality like this, you can imagine me with a broom trying to sweep the floor but ended up putting a "concert" with zero audience, singing this song.

And oh, if that karaoke studio has this song, I'll be glad to sing it in front of whoever who wants to go with me.

Enjoy.

Title: I Believe In A Thing Called Love

Another soothing song that is worth to hear.
Title: Bizarre Love Triangle by Frente!

2009-05-28T16:09:00.001+08:00

"confused".

i dont know what's happening.
i dont know what to do.
why do some things happen so unexpectedly?
i really wonder.

a conclusion has to be made.

2009-05-22T16:23:00.006+08:00

i love them. period.
will update a proper one later.

2009-05-18T15:57:00.002+08:00

random shots taken around my house.
something to ease the boredom im having right now.
black and white are something that potrays my life.
i decided to give it a shot at photography.
looks like, im going in depth with this effect from now on.

it felt like im losing you.

2009-05-18T00:19:00.002+08:00

smiles on the outside.
wrecked on the inside.
pure disappointment.
raging anger.

life has never improved.
ONE BY ONE it haunts me.
but the one who kept silent has to be blamed.

sometimes i just wished that im dead, for good.

2009-05-16T16:38:00.000+08:00

i just want to be happy, that's all.
silence is something that i dont wish to entertain.

2009-05-13T17:13:00.002+08:00

im feeling effing fucked up right now.
with nobody at home at entertain me.
and ive been having headache since weeks already.
i havent completely recover from my fever.

on a lighter note, im happy that i finally get to eat 2pc chicken at KFC after so long.
and i got a date tomorrow with him.
i miss you so much honey.
its been 5 days already.

damn it.

2009-05-12T16:23:00.002+08:00

pretty messed up life.
i never thought that having siblings could be such a burden.
i think i just stick to my normal one-child kid.
i live life on my own without anyone stopping me.

to be reunited with my sister, i thought it would be a great idea.
little did i know, she came back with such great problems and me, who has nothing to do with it, had to be involved.
typical people with typical mind.
they own their happiness but shift the shits to us.
how i hate her guts and even her face.
geishas look even prettier than her and her sister.
-____-"

brother pretty much messed up everything as well.
saying his twin sister this and that.
ended up, both are giving me problems.
dont tell me that a 30 year old couldnt make such a simple decision.
a decision that decides your life in the future.
im too young to be giving advices.
well actually, I should be the one who seek for advices not them.

please, my life has been complicated enough.
i am sick and tired of listening to problems.
can you just let me out from this misery for once?

to you sister: could you please settle the problems youre facing instead of running away?? by breaking up with that gentleman guy who are soooo serious about you, you think youre going to be happy??? hello!! its his parents who came to MY house and because of YOU, MY family has to bear the shame just because YOU hate him as he is malaysian. SO WHAT? he is still a human being with feelings. dont tell me that you hate his appearance, you think you got style is it? mind you, you have been with him for a year plus and now youre telling me all this shits??? have you have any idea that he came personally to my house and CRIED because he couldnt believe that you left him just like that?? YOU and MY FATHER (which is yours as well) ARE THE SAME. LIKE FATHER, LIKE DAUGHTER. Player. Dont ever think that mum and me are gonna approve of you with that new guy who has a son. and dont ever think that im gonna be happy just because you are back. please, dont make my mouth itch. just because im quiet doesnt mean i have nothing to say. watch your back.

to you brother: stop playing with your current girlfriend's heart, will you??? yes, she is obsessive. yes, she is controlling. because she is faithful to you, cant you see that my blur borther??? why are you still contacting with your ex fiancee which OUR FAMILY hates her so much?? why are you blinded by her kind actions??? you are the one who begs dad to call off the engagement because she played you out, so why are you licking her back??? are you blind brother?? dont you remember that i quarrelled big time with you because of this psychotic ex fiancee of yours?? do you even realised that your current gf has been crying, showing me that pyscho text messages. calling her slut and threatening her that she is going to take you back. sorry brother, if you think that psycho is meant for you, i dont think dad is allowing you to be back with her. so stop wasting time and stop dragging me in.

finally, ive let it out of my chest.
im so pissed with my family.
nothing but problems!

2009-05-11T15:40:00.004+08:00

As I promised, here are the pictures from his graduation day.
The ceremony was held at the auditiorium.
I arrived at his house one hour before the ceremony.
Since his mum and sister couldnt make it, only me and his dad witnessed his grand day.

He is terribly hot in that formal attire.
I was practically shouting for him.
Mind you, his dad was beside me and he can withstand his daughter in law's hysterical attitude.

And this is just some of his classmates. From left: Barry, Khairi, Omar, Dzuerwan and Hafiz.

Not forgetting, my dad in law and Boyfriend's CA, Mdm Yeow. ((:

Some of his friends came with their rebellious attitude to wear casual and not receiving the cert on stage. And really, im soo gonna miss their antics because practically, all his malay classmates know me.
Top Left: Ganesh, Hafiz, Omar, Kamil, Fazir, Wellmy, Mdm Yeow, Dzuerwan, Ayie.
Bottom Left: Habib, Barry, Khairi, Haikal.

These are the people who witnessed the love I built with Boyfriend during our school days.
The people who caught us being together in school, with Boyfriend skipped his class just to be with me.
I miss my ITE life.
I dont quite miss my ITE classmates that much except for some.
But the memories I had in that school is beyond what I expected.
The school that thought me how to live my life.

And Im blessed that Im still with you, up till now.
I love you, Muhammad Khairi.
PS: I do looked like a Datin, right?? Datin Mary. HAHA!!

2009-05-09T23:34:00.003+08:00

baby's graduation ceremony was THE best ever.
finally, i saw him walking down the stage, receiving the empty red folder which then filled with his certificate.
tears rolled down my cheeks as i saw his classmates waiting in line, anxiously.
i was there, one year ago.
where he and my mum witness my grand-est day ever.
it was my turn now, along with his dad.
it was a moment to remember, a moment to be proud of.

he was such a notorious kid back then.
but look at him now.
well dressed, looking smart, receving his long waited piece of paper.

i love you baby.
im so proud of you.

will update again sime other time with pictures.
takecare ((:

2009-05-07T16:20:00.003+08:00

feeling abit better.
am able to walk around without feeling dizzy.
kudos to me!!

oh wells.
this heart doesnt feels right now.

pfft.

2009-05-05T15:14:00.004+08:00

felt terribly sick right now.
my temperature reads from 38.6 till 40.1!!!
never ive been so sick like that before.

since my parents are away to work yesterday,
dearest mummy trusted dearest boyfriend to babysit and nurse me.
which he did his job well.
im sorry dear i didnt respond to you that much.
overall, this is the 2nd sweetest thing ever you had done for me ever since you had to rush to send me home due to my menstrual cramps last 2 years.
how can i ever replace you ahhh???
you are soo damn nice to me.

head to the doctor and they made me wear a mask.
tskk.
i felt so alienated by those people who didnt get infected with fever.
you know what?
i am sooo utterly disgusted by people who are not sick, cant be bothered to offer people who are totally sick to sit down.
tell me about it, im one of the victim.
i had to sit down ON THE FLOOR while waiting for my turn.
how pathetic these singaporeans are.
i wish i could take off my mask and cough right in front of their face.

4 meds = $35.
its all worth it.
private clinic mahh.
i dont wish to go to polyclinic though its cheap cuz i wouldnt want to risk myself to be staying in that clinic for a very long time and infected with god knows how much bacteria is circulating around me.

my fever has subsides for now.
i can still walk though this head felt heavy.
just a mere bodyache here and there plus runny nose and cough.
i was so scared when the doc said that if my fever doesnt go down by the 5th day, i might need to go to the hospital (READ: dengue fever).

wanna know why i became soo sick?
not an ordinary infection you know.
it started from my grandad who smokes here and there.
you guys know me, i havent been smoking for a very long time, neither i was a passive smoker who sniffs the air whenever my boyfriend smokes.
im so proud of boyfriend who gradually decreasing his intake. or probably not smoking at all.
i also doesnt hang out late and night with my guy friends who smokes.

so simply say, i got it from my grandad.
PLUS!
the smell of durian. yeah, go ahead, laugh about it.
when i said that i hate fruits, i mean it.
they tend to have silly smelly smells that either stinks or whatsoever not.
the smoke plus durian smells = sick sick sick lydia.
very sick lydia.

there you have it.
i should be resting for now.
takecare people!
dont get sick like me.
updates soon.
((:

2009-05-02T20:10:00.002+08:00

tired and pissed.
didnt do anything except sitting at home and entertaining my cousins.
oh, im having sore throat by repeating the same word to my grandad who came along as well.
really, ive had enough.

moodless.
i need my girlfriends now.
im missing them.
please dont forget me.
):

2009-04-29T16:55:00.002+08:00

i cant just sit down and keep things to myself.
i want freedom.
yes, i do need that badly.

i want money.
i want a job.
at least i could be independent in terms of financial.
instead of being a beggar, asking parents for money.
what do i get in return?
a hell of words being smack right in my face.

ive tried so damn hard to find jobs over on the internet.
i almost gave up.

oh well, im feeling superly sick right now.
take care fuckers.

2009-04-27T17:05:00.002+08:00

peaceful and quiet monday.
unlike yesterday.
sister decided to call off the engagement.
shall not elaborate much but well, too bad.

and i keep on telling Boyfriend that i should get married first.
"langkah bendul" as the malay word says.
((:

Boyfriend dear was kind enough to come over my place and do a spring cleaning in my room.
DONT THINK ANYTHING OKAYY!
ended up he became "karung guni" stuffing as much junks in his bag.
happy ehh??

and so today, woke up, called him up and had a looooong talk over the phone.
gossiping. (HAHA!)
well not actually gossiping, merely reminiscing about the past.
how THE EXS plays a part in our lives; as in, makes us stronger.
you know what i mean.
really, i enjoyed talking to him about anything under the sun.
a great listener indeed.

the truth is, ive sealed my mind.
nobody else but him.
4 more days.
831.

Mum is sure to come back home with my hp bills.
fuck. my heart beats so damn fast right now.
damn!

2009-04-25T23:53:00.002+08:00

I hate Mum's drama.
I just want Chucky to seal the deal with her.
(Must be the movie I watched just now in TV.)

Its a total waste of time to entertain these old crap.
But nobody knows how torturous my emotions are in this house.
I felt useless.

I want to get married and get my ass off from here.
FAST!
That's the only time I am free from this cage.

For now, I am desperately finding a job which requires to work on the weekends.
I wouldnt want to see myself stuck in this house with two souls who wouldnt give me any peace.
I'll do anything as long as Im out from here on the weekends.

I received NO LOVE from this family.
Why bother?

2009-04-24T19:01:00.002+08:00

friday = mendak day.
im sooooooooooo lazy to go to the gym today.
i swear im lazy like a pig.
HOHOHO!

and i love the conversation i had with Boyfriend.
topic of the day: Im so used to/with................. you.
seriously, funny like hell.
try it out with your girlfriends or boyfriends.

Me: Im so used to hear and smell your fart almost everytime.
Him: Im so used to smell your armpit.
Me: Im so used to see some remains of the food got stuck to your teeth.
Him: Im so used to see you being fooled by my jokes. (Ni part geraaaam jek aku.)

HAHAHAHA!!
i just love his crap.
oh! and i love how he dedicated one of his blog entry to me.
CAIR DOKK!!!

ok bye!

2009-04-21T16:52:00.003+08:00

In the library right now.
Nothing better to do but just to play cards with Boyfriend dear.
And oh!
Ive just sold all my WWE cd collections to the Cash Converter.
SO SAD YOU KNOW!!!

How I wished that Boyfriend's webcam can be used.
Or else I would have camwhore my heart out.
HEHEHE!!

I LOVE YOU BOYFRIEND!

with you

2009-04-20T16:57:00.002+08:00

"I hope to stay like this with you."
Because right from the start, I know, that you meant for me.

2009-04-17T20:39:00.002+08:00

Oh geezz... Oh goshh....
I am fucking doooooooomed.

Can somebody please tell me how am I suppose to write a job application letter FROM SCRATCH to the HR department of so and so??

Seriously, hoping for a miracle to happen at JobCentral isnt doing any good.
Fuck that website like totally.

I then realise that finding a job can be such a bitch.

NO JOB = YELLING FROM THAT OLD RADIO.
Get it??

Do you think that I like to trap myself at home doing almost nothing except for housework, housework and more housework?????

Because for now, SCREW HOUSEWORK!

I am extremely pissed because what I do at home isnt do ANY GOOD for the family.
Because to their eyes, Im such a BITCH asking them for money whenever I go out.

I got a motherfucking MUNCHY DONUT who stalled my pay up till now. ITS APRIL FUCKERS!! 2 FUCKING MONTHS! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY???

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING!

2009-04-17T16:26:00.002+08:00

One thing I can say about today.
SUCH A FREAKING BORING AND HOT FRIDAY.

Im feeling bitchy and easily get pissed.
I have absolutely no mood to entertain people of any kind.

Douchebags.

love

2009-04-16T16:16:00.004+08:00

I am so loving yesterday, like totally.
First, I collected my Revlon Hampers.
Second, meeting the Kentals.
And third, meeting my oh-so-mentel Boyfriend.
Now tell me, isn't that just great?

These are the 4 items that I got that worth 100 bucks.
From left: Lipstick, Liquid eyeshadow, Lip Lustre (Lipgloss) and Foundation.
I have always wanted to get that foundation like since it first came out.
Retail price is expensive but it worth to suit your natural skin.
$29.90.
Fuck, Im just loving these products!!

LiLiy dearest was the one who accompanied me all the way till Ang Mo Kio just to collect the stuffs.
Supposely to be collected the day before with Juu Bitch but we were late.
I thought the hamper would be so freaking big but NO!
A paper bag with these little 4 items. ((:
So LiLiy, if ever you want to try out these products, tell me aite.

Met Ayunie Love at Toa Payoh.
Stupid stuffs happened so yah.
Separated from them at City Hall since Boyfriend has been waiting for me quite long.
Dont know what or why he is so punctual in meeting me.
Hmmmm.........

Met him at Bugis.
Cheeky him asking me to find him at the very first spot we met.
Feeling2 pada zaman dahulu bila kita bertemu gitu lho.
Went to ILUMA to check the place out.
Kinda boring since it was newly opened.
So we headed straight to FilmGarde to watch Fast and Furious 4.
The theater was OOOOkay lah.
Minus point since they didnt have any couple seats.

That show, was awesome!
I never blink my eye for the first part of the show because I would have missed quite alot if I did it.
Vin Diesel is THE bomb, Im telling ya.
Finally I watched an action pack movie with such emotion!

Headed to Burger King for dinner.
And that is when this happens.

He tries to make fool out of himself by bending the poor fries to make a smile. HOW FAKE.

I dont know what he is trying to potray in this picture but I guess that he wants to show how "bawang" his nose is. HAHAHA!

And lastly, trying to distract my attention from eating my tendergrill with his "tak perlu pout". I admit, this is cute. -___-"

One final thing.
EVER SEEN A 22 YEAR OLD MAN WHO CARRIES A CHESDALE WALLET??????
I hate to admit but my boyfriend carries that.
Really, whatever he does all those cute stuffs makes me want to kidnap him from going to his NS.
2 more months and off he go.
Damn it Lydia, go find a job.
Pfft!

special dedication

2009-04-14T22:06:00.004+08:00

When you say that I'll be yours forever, I look up straight in your eyes, smiling, and said,"Darling, Im sorry for rejecting you for the very first time, because I doubt I can never go far with you.
Love has never been in my dictionary for a very long while.
Im afraid to be dumped for the eighth time.
It seems ridiculous that you have fallen for me for just 5 days and wanting me to be yours.
I dont know what or how, but I somehow felt that the chemistry we had, was amazing.
You went all out just to impress me.
You do all sort of things just to capture my heart in just 5 days.
I thought I've fallen for the wrong trap.
And that is why I rejected you.

Pondering about the question for almost an hour.
You thought things wouldnt work out.
You thought the "more-than-friends" gestures has ended.
In my room I cried, seeking friends for help.
None, came to my rescue.
For now it's time for me to make THE decision, on my own.
The thing which I have never done in my life.
Im afraid that I will make the greatest mistake of all.
But I risk myself, and went for it.

And that is when the second chance of love blooms.
Up till now.

All the ups and downs we had from the very first day till now,
was all worthwhile.
Because I know, you will stand by me as much as I will stand by you through every obstacles.
I know that I love you sincerely.
I know that I showered you with all the care and concern whole-heartedly.
I know that no other girls has ever treated you this way.
I am the first.

Believe me my man, I belong to you.
Believe me my man, Im worth your time.
Believe me,
when I say that I'll be yours forever.

2009-04-11T23:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I wished that my siblings would reconcile with me and family back again.
Really, I felt so alone at home, wishing that either my sister or brother would take me out for a shop or dinner.
Just for your information, I have 3 siblings; of which a big brother and a pair of twins; sister and 2nd brother.
An age gap of 13 and 10 years respectively.
We share the same dad, but different mum.
Among those three, I only get to see the twins.
As for my elder brother, only God knows what he has been up to now.

I havent been meeting my sister for like 1o years or so?
But she appeared last raya.
And yesterday, she came over to my place.
Telling the family that she is going to get engage to someone.
Probably, it's going to happen at my house.

How surprising.

Whatever it is, I just pray that she'll get the good man.
She had her old past which I dont wish to elaborate it here.
Thank God, she has changed.
She's 30 now; mature enough to settle down.

I just wished that I could get along with her.....

2009-04-11T16:42:00.002+08:00

Saturdayy....
It rained so damn bad that I have to constantly cover my ears from hearing the loud thunder.

Me: I maseh takot.
Boyfriend: Petir tau guruh?
Me: Both.
Boyfriend: Ok. This is what you do.
Me: Ape dier?
Boyfriend: U amek winnie the pooh. (Which he bought for me) Letak kat tingkap. Ti ujan berhenti.
Me: Ape saje jelah u!
Boyfriend: Serius...

Sumpah he is superly random.
And I miss him superly bad.
Gonna meet him tomorrow.
YAHOOOO!!!!

cycling outing with the kentals

2009-04-08T23:37:00.003+08:00

I had one hell of a cycling ride today.
Thanks to "The greatest bastard of all" for making me cycled an extra mile just to "kicap" that stupid couple.
And now Im left with a tremendous big bump on my calves (READ: just developed muscles on both of them).
Afterall, Im loving it.
Thanks to THE KENTALS for making it happen.
I love you girls like nobody business.

Hiking next yah?

Damn fucking lethargic.
BUT!
I have to accompany Boyfriend to settle his NS-Poly thingy.
Will be having a long day as well.

I need a god damn good massage, please?

2009-04-07T15:41:00.001+08:00

Best shit or what?
Mum took another 3 days of MC.

Here I go again.
FUCKING DREADFUL!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-06T17:10:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I just wished Im back to the old young days.
Happy and free.
Problem-less.
(:

2009-04-05T18:56:00.002+08:00

Sunday is here.
And the weather is soooo damn shiok to sleep.
Had to attend a wedding ceremony just now.
Wearing that god damn heels. ARGH!

Nothing much to update about.
Dont know what to do the next week.
I really had enough of staying at home and rot.

I should start trying to bake some cookies or cakes.
That should keep me company.

Takecare!

2009-04-03T15:50:00.003+08:00

Im still exhausted from the tree top walk yesterday.
It was one hell of a great time.
Im loving you two to bits and pieces.
Cant wait for the Ubin trip with you guys again!
((:

On the other hand, the poly posting results are out.
He got into his 2nd choice at Nanyang Poly taking Biomedical Engineering.
Im happy that he could place a spot at the Poly but somehow I think that the course is abit too far off from what he studied in ITE.
Nevertheless, I shall not pressure him with this because afterall, it's his decision.
As a girlfriend, emotional support is crucial at this point of time.
Hopefully, he could defer for his NS and get to sign the bond with SCDF.
Insyallah, pray for him too, shall we?

And oh!
Im missing him, badly.

happy monthsary

2009-04-01T13:25:00.002+08:00

im sorry for neglecting this blog of mine.
been busy these past few days.
not really that busy, i hate busybody who poke their nose to see what i do when i use the computer.
(READ: mum)
so yah, there you have it.

my eyes are still swollen. but the bloodshot red on my eyes has gone.
i wont be able to use contact lenses for approximately three months.
to worse the situation, my current one and only glasses has snapped.
thank God, im purchasing a new one.
i cant wait for that!!
the good news is, the power on both my eyes has decreased by 25 over a period of 3 years!
ceydehbahhh!!

Side track abit, KhaLya celebrates its 20th Monthsary today, which happens to be April Fool's Day.
No link, i know.
HAHAHA!!
im glad that we are still standing strong up till now.
despite the turbulence we had, we managed to peservere.
i know, that the month of March is the worst month that i can ever imagine.
lets just say, we start a new beginning this month.
i love you khai.
it has always been you.

sadly, we are not able to go out to celebrate it because today, is his first day at work!
hoping that he is able to cope with it.
and oh!! he's gotten his exam results and guess what?
HE IS GRADUATING!!!
2 A's and a B with a GPA of 3.2.
I won him by 0.1.
oh wells. at least he passed and im so proud of him.
as ive promised, im attending his graduation ceremony with his parents i think.
((:

enough said, im taking a rest now.
ive been up since 6.30am and havent had any sleep.
mum has been infected with bloodshot eyes as well.
so had to accompany her to the clinic and she has 3 days MC!!!

OH MY GOD!
NO FREEEDOM BEB!!!
CANNOT TAKE IT!!!!!!!

ok bye.

2009-03-27T21:11:00.002+08:00

looking foward to nothing this weekend.
eyes are still swollen.
and its disgusts me.

im fucking bored to death, trust me.

2009-03-26T12:45:00.004+08:00

I decided not to go out today and nurse my swollen eyes.
Thank you Dear for coming down to Clementi at 9 plus am just to accompany me to see the doctor.
Im just too scared to go to the clinic alone.
Call me a pussy; I dont care.
I just hate to see the doctor and dont ask me why.

Had our breakfast over at MacDonalds before I sent him off.
He got an interview with the SCDF today at Ubi.
Wish you all the best Dear!
Although Im not fond of SCDF that much.
But yah, still hoping he would get into the Police Force.
VERY BADLY.

I had quite a wonderful time yesterday going out with Dear and his fellow classmates.
Very kecoh indeed but I cant seem to be getting along with them that much.
I dont know why.
Anyways, Im glad that I went out despite my fucking eyes.
Impromptu meet up with Juu and Ashh over at the Lot 1 after that.
Looooove you people! ((:

Am waiting for the Dear's updates regarding the interview for now.
Nervous oi!
Hahaha!!

Till then,
takecare!

red eye

2009-03-24T16:44:00.002+08:00

Another mundane Tuesday.
My eye infection has gotten worst.
In fact, both eyes got infected now!
&*(&*^$&**)#_@)#^%!!!!!

In case if you are wondering who the hell I took the picture with,
he is my brother.
Not a scandal, mind you.
Same Dad, different Mother. Go figure.
Just feel like posting his picture for no apparent reason.
Hehs!

Was supposed to meet Dear today.
But I declined his offer.
Im truly sorry Dear, I dont want to end up feeling frustrated all the way.
I promise I'll make it up to you.
Either tomorrow or Thursday.
Ilyvm.

And now, Im feeling bored.
Care to entertain me?

Hopes

2009-03-23T16:38:00.004+08:00

Im not having a good day today.
I was rudely awaken by a stupid itch on my butt.
Woke up with a serious eye irritation on my right eye which has been going on for days.
A never ending flu.
And was drenched in sweat cuz it's frigging hot out there.

Not only that, mum left me with tons of laundry to be washed.

Tell me, how great can it be?
My right eye is twice as small than my left eye now.
And oh!
The skin on my fingers are chapping due to CHEAP nail polish remover.

Motherfucker.

Probably I should just stoping wasting spaces right now cuz it's super irritating.
Back to the proper update.
Cousins had a sleepover last 2 nights because they wanted to do some e learning on my desktop.
Ended up, I had to tutor them.
With the help from Dear as well.
Gosh, seriously, my maths has improved. (:

Went to Jobs DB career fair for 2 consecutive days to search for a proper job.
Thanks to Dear for helping me out.
So, for now, I shall still keep a look out for other jobs, but in the meantime, my cellphone shall be beside me whenever I go.

On a random note, I hate for the fact that Im short of cash right now.
I couldnt even buy my contact lenses.
That's so pathetic of me.
I feel just like Ugly Betty whenever I go out wearing my "oh-so-tak-glamour" glasses.
Exceptional case for Dear, he looked great wearing glasses.
Until apparently, some stranger compliments him that he looked young.
Yeah, I know, I look too old for my age.

Oh! How I hate to see the humoungous fish tank outside my house right now.
Dad has been spending hundreds of dollars for his fucking fish tank and bunch of pathetic fishes.
And only a few dollars on me.
Geez, how I wished his favourite fishes would take care of him when he's sick.

Im missing my girlfriends for now.
How I wished I could go out without spending a single cent.
All my bitches, meet up soon please???

Dear must be enjoying himself with his friends now.
And Im stuck at home.
Sobs.
Maybe, maybe not Im heading to the gym to have a work out.
After watching Spongebob Squarepants later at night.
I wouldnt want to dampen my spirits to maintain my 2 newly developed abs.
Nyahh!!!

I shall stop blabbering now.
Takecare.
And Dear, meet me tomorrow.
I dont care!
<3

Khalya

2009-03-20T18:01:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulilah, I can safely say, that my life has improved for the better.
I am much more a stronger person now to overcome setbacks.
I managed to control my emotions alot better.
Instead of using my head, I use my heart to direct myself to make a better decision.

For the fact that both of us realises our mistakes, we tend not to let go of this relationship that was built like almost two years.
In short, we are more open to the things around us.
Really, in relationship, once you start to have doubts on the other party, settle it once and for all, even if it hurts.
The truth hurts, so deal with it.

Honestly, this past few days have been the happiest days of my life.
We met every single day and relieve back those memories we had.
Until yesterday when we meet up for early supper, I was amazed that there is alot of things that Im unaware of.
We had a serious heart to heart talk for the very first time.
All my doubts are cleared. And I hope his doubts on me too, are cleared.

To all my girls out there who reads this post of mine.
You guys know how much I really love Muhammad Khairi.
You guys know how much I dont want this relationship to end.
You guys know how much tears Ive cried.

NEVER LET ANY THIRD PARTIES TO BE INVOLVED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
If you love someone, go all out to make impossible things possible.
Girls out there can be nasty to destroy our happiness.
Its up to us to put up a brave courage to face this.
And make a harsh mark on them that we are not pussies that they can step on our heads.

Ive said enough.
Im missing him now.
I love you. 831.

555666

2009-03-19T16:48:00.003+08:00

All I ever hoped for was a miracle.
And I dont really expect much.
You are miracle, my love.
I dont know how to express my feelings when I got to know that you are back in my arms.

Indeed I was emotionally and physically tortured for the past two weeks.
I dont really know that you felt the same way too.
The truth is, I dont how to move on just yet.
Because everywhere I go and everything I do, reminds me of you.

Nobody and I mean nobody can ever stand in our way.
Ive demolished everything.
Try me you foolish girls. You dont even know what Im capable of.
Just because I kept quiet, that doesnt give you the chance of stepping onto my head.

Ive said my piece. And you couldnt take the blow.
Pointing fingers isnt the solution.
You lame piece of shit!

Forget about it.
I am satisfied with what Ive done.

Muhammad Khairi, you know damn right that I love you.
And that feeling will stay on forever.
I cant help but to feel contented whenever you are near me.
Just like the old times.

Will be waiting for you my love.
Hugs n kisses.

A very happy birthday

2009-03-18T12:56:00.003+08:00

Happy Twenteen to My Dearest Bro Ashadiq!
May you blessed with all the joys and happiness in life.
Welcome to the 20s club!
((:

I love you.
My final guy that I want to spend my life with.

2009-03-17T00:42:00.002+08:00

Aint gonna say much about what had happened.
For sure, KhaLya, is never dead.

And I feel the sense of satisfaction after that "bitchy" text messages to the ex of his.

Dont try me, LITTLE WOMAN!
I got my style.
You keep your hands off my guy!

ONE down. ONE more to go.
For sure, this gonna be a tough one to handle.

2009-03-15T23:42:00.002+08:00

I want to get this over and done with.
Ive got less than 12 hours now.

To make the biggest decision in my entire life.
The decision which leads me to a happy future.
OR
The decision that will make me suffer.

I wished that I could turn back time and kill my past and his too before I decided to be his girlfriend.

Thank you Aunt,
for being there for me.
Really, even if Im not your child at birth,
I regard you as my mother.
I love you Aunt.
You've made me realise how much love has to offer.
For sure, you've taught me what love is.

I have to rest myself now.
Pray for me.

2009-03-14T21:09:00.000+08:00

for now, im picking the broken pieces and try to fix it, alone.
random text messages made me smile at times.

but, i think ive given all the best that i could.
i can only pray for a miracle.

2009-03-14T00:34:00.002+08:00

My days are starting to get better.
At times, I do hide myself at a corner and cry.
Thank you guys for being there for me.

At least, my days arent so dull as what I have expected.
Thank you Liyana.
Thank you Juraidah.
Thank you Ashadiq.
Thank you Kamirah.
Thank you Farrianna.
Thank you Seri Rahayu.
Thank you Rizal.
Thank you Munzir.

Still, I dont know whether this heart can be fixed.

2009-03-12T23:45:00.002+08:00

Ive cried so many nights for you.
What did I do to deserve this.

Why is it so hard to open up your heart after the things Ive done to you?
Ive done things that no other girls has done it.
What do you take me for?

Im learning to face the shits of reality now.
That Im no longer with you.
Too many memories; too many heartaches.
For once after a year plus, Im back to square one.

Please God, just this once, cool his ego off and think rationally about this situation.

2009-03-11T22:19:00.004+08:00

sometimes i wonder,
does he really have the guts to face me?
i mean, come on, who wants to drag the problems when it is already at the climax?
avoiding and blocking me away isnt the solution.
and im feeling very irritated because of this.

be a man who has balls and tell me where i stand!

even if it means to be a time out or a break up.

not blocking me in a minute or two and unblock me the next minute.
grow up MR.

i know my words mean shit to you now.
i dont know what words i should put in to convince you.
but one thing for sure,
i will not let myself be the weaker party.

i am not going to contact you unless you came down to me.
this is final.

i am being mature right now trying my best to clean the shits and there you are,
being 22 and immature!

the girls out there are itching to get their hands on you.
so please tell me, and off you go.

geez, may God bless you Muhammad Khairi!
since my ______ isnt precious to you anymore.

2009-03-11T16:54:00.002+08:00

thanks to Ashh darling for the quick chat just now.
And rizal, thanks for the youtube videos that made me crack the hell up.
I miss school, really.

Thanks dudes.

2009-03-11T15:52:00.001+08:00

My energy level are running low.
Dear God, is this something which I have to face for the wrong things Ive done?

2009-03-11T14:42:00.003+08:00

Take a step back.
Take it slow.
This could be the end.
Or move with the flow.

I cant imagine myself being the old me for now.
It's driving me insane.
To think I didnt know that Ive made this mess.
What's the point of keeping me?

I screwed up big fucking time.

Every single second my eyes eyed on the cellphone.
But nothing, happened.

So girls, go ahead.
Ive lost the battle.
You can have him now.

Im fucking emo right now,
DEAL WITH IT!

2009-03-10T16:37:00.001+08:00

I miss him, real bad.

2009-03-10T16:15:00.002+08:00

probably, people are getting sick of me telling the story over and over again.
i have to admit, im a sucker for love.

please stop giving me mixed signals.
please stop torturing my heart with all this.
please.

if ever this downfall will be my last,
never would i want to fall in love again.
ive had it.

he would be my eighth and the final.

2009-03-09T16:59:00.002+08:00

For once, i heard his voice after 4 days.
that angry tone suddenly changes.
really hoped for the better.

if only i hadnt gave him the anklet ive made during the recent nineteenth monthsary,
i would be thrown away from his life, forever.
he might be throwing me away from this cyberworld.
he threw our ring once and never retrieve it.
but God is great.
he didnt cut off the anklet i gave him.

Maybe, just maybe that could be the reason that he would stay on.

My relationship is really complicated at this moment.

Tomorrow is his last hurdle in school.
So, I wish you good luck for the final paper.

And till then, I will wait for the decision.

I dont know

2009-03-08T22:00:00.003+08:00

Its been almost to day 4 that he has been avoiding me.
There's only one solution to get in contact with him.
And that is through email.

When I woke up today,
I received a text message on my cellphone.
"Call me."
"Please call me."
It was him. He texted me at 7.21 am and 7.42 am respectively.

I checked my email.
There he is, with his reply.
A few quotes from the replied email.

"Forget bout the girls. Right now, it is about you. I still love you. Always do."

"I dont hate you. I just cant live with the fact that all my secrets is going to be probe and poke by my future wife whoever she maybe. so i have to end this relationship. firstly for my exams secondly, you are getting on my nerves troubling me with petty matters at such a crucial moment of my life."

" so look at the brightside. i shall be miting you and be talking to you soon that is if you call me. cause i have forgiven you for doing such a thing but i cant confirm with you that things would ever be the same again. sorry lydia."

"on a lighter note, i miss you trully."

And yes, I was speechless.
Dear God, even if things will not be the same again, let it be.
All I want is to have him back in my life.
No one else, just him.

Please God, I've always prayed to you to give me the strength to continue.
Just this once, I'll never breach the trust I had on him ever again.

I'll be waiting for you to come back in my arms again.
Tuesday or Wednesday.

2009-03-07T13:35:00.002+08:00

It's really a pity that I celebrated Dad's 55th Birthday with fake smiles all over my face yesterday.
Had a surprise for him over at the gym with my mum, brother and girlfriend, and all the gym mates.
All of a sudden, Dad asked for him.
I was dumbstruck, totally.
I lied, saying that he was busy and he wished for him.

Brother's girlfriend approached me and asking me what is wrong with my face.
Seriously, the condition of my face right now, is horrible.
I told her everything.
Little did I know, that Brother actually cares about me even if we dont share the same mother.
Its a pity that he didnt show.
If not, he is the first person I will rely on if I have problems.
Thanks to Brother's girlfriend, she helped me to cope with my emotions.

Like Ive stated in my previous entry, I went over to ITE Simei to meet Fianna and Namira.
All I was ever hope for is somehow to bump into him.
But, it didnt.
I am mentally and physically shagged from all this misery.

Thanks Ayunie for the chat over the phone last night.
Thanks for the concern, I appreciate it.

Out of a sudden, somebody texted me.
The guy whom I dated with for quite awhile, but ended up having a relationship with my Boyfriend.
I was torn apart between the two and Ive hurt him so bad because of my decision.
In the end, I made him as part of my bestfriend. Up till now.
Its been 2 years now since we know each other.
And he hasnt been moving on after Im attached.

Somehow, he is really not happy with the situation Im in right now.
If only he could talk to him about this.

The truth is, I love him from afar.
But I cant be his. Ive made up my mind.
Even if he didnt mention about us being tied down,
I know, that somehow he loves me.

Im sorry _____. How I wished you would put the extra effort to make me realise that you are the one for me before I met my Boyfriend.
Like what people said, "It's fated."
I chose my Boyfriend over you.

For now, my only focus is to get back my precious one.
The one whom I really love more than anyone else.
And that is you, Muhammad Khairi.
I'll never give up on you.
I dont give a fucking care of you deleting me off from every single network, blocking me away.
Face the reality.
I want you back in my life and I would not stop at any cost.
I will fight for my damn right.

so here we go again

2009-03-06T09:51:00.003+08:00

i hope for a miracle.
ive never felt so empty in my life.
stop telling me to move on.
because i cant!
i have a reason why.

off he deleted me from the network.
i am a stranger to him in the cyberworld.
what if?
i am the stranger in reality?

NO. i dont really think so.
be optimistic Lydia.
people around you are trying to save the knot from being cut between the two of you.
be optimistic.

fuck, im crying yet again everytime i lay my eyes on the pictures.
really, its hard to control my emotions at this point of time.

what if?
he really has made up his mind?

fuck, here i go again.

im going over to ITE Simei back to meet Fianna.
hoping that miracle would occur.

Dear God, please lead me the way.
i am helpless right now.
if he is the one for me, please show me that he is.
my heart only yearns for him.
and only him.

i want the misery to stop.
i will be waiting for you, still.

the truth really hurts

2009-03-05T14:51:00.003+08:00

one year, seven months has passed.
every minute, every second, i breathe you, my shinning armour.
every now and then, ive been trying to make things better for us.
we planned for the future.
we know that someday, we will be officially tied down.
nobody would stand in our way.
because you and i, both love.

but why every single thing i do will leads us to destroying this relationship.
im protecting my ties with you as much as i could.
i never wanted third parties to be involved.

we've been through alot, my dear.
even if you are not fond of my parents, i respected that.
why cant you see that i love you, truly.

paranoias and phobias keep on destroying me.
i dont want the past to repeat.
i trusted you, but somehow i dont know why i keep on feeling paranoid about the people around you.
i know that somehow, you wouldnt cheat my feelings, i am scared, the girls around you, will try their best to get their hands on you.

the truth is, i do have problems with myself.
i never learnt my mistakes. i keep on doing it without even realising.
i know you are mad at me.
i know that somehow, you've given up on me.

tell me, how am i suppose to move on when the memories i had with you is hard to erase?

you've changed me.
my way of life.
just this one, i beg you for mercy.

i hope to be able to face you in days to come.
i missed you.
i longed for your love.

tears keep on rolling down my cheeks.
you know, ive never shed my tears as bad as i shed my tears with my past.
this is the worst.
because i love you.
i love you. i mean it.

how am i supposed to move on my dear?

i am waiting for you.
a text message received would be enough of me to spare a smile.

i am waiting for the final decision from you.

2009-03-05T13:50:00.015+08:00

2009-03-04T18:38:00.002+08:00

"So if you love me let me go.
And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care.
I cant destroy what isnt there."

2009-03-04T10:37:00.003+08:00

Thank God, that Im blessed to have such a great friends around me.
I love you people.
Without you guys, I wouldnt know,
that I could stand up on my feet and walk as per normal again after a great fall.

No words could express how much love I had on you guys.
I treasure this moment.
I treasure the hugs.
I treasure the words of encouragement.
NOBODY WILL MAKE ME FALL!

2009-03-04T00:05:00.000+08:00

STAY - You don't always know where you stand
'Til you know that you won't run away
There's something inside me that feels
Like Breathing in Sulfur.

-Slipknot; Sulfur

No revenge, just retribution

2009-03-03T15:06:00.004+08:00

Reminiscing about the old days.
The tears and laughters we've been through.
From friends that come and go, and friends who stays.
Go ahead, laugh about it, smile about it.
Dont tell me that you weren't once a geek.
Cuz everybody are.
It's how you emerge from an ugly duckling to a swan. (:

I thank you to those who stood by me through good times and bad.
Who cares and loves me for who I am.
Appreciate me for being the bestest friend in your life.
I love you guys too.
You know who you are, so smile. ((:

"Lydia, Lydia. How are you feeling right now?"

Honestly, I felt really fine now.
Well, at times my temper just burst out without warning.
The truth is, I wouldnt bother minority things around me.
What matters me the most is my future.
My future life.
My future career.
My future happiness.
And not forgetting my future married life. Yes, that includes as well.

You know, little things that makes you feel insecure can turn out to be a big issue.
Paraniod. Phobia.
Yeah, I ALWAYS feel that. Some of you really agree to this.
Haha! Negativity always surrounds me, made me feel like I've been haunted.
I've learned to be optimistic with things around me now.
If people hates me, let it be.
If people wants to destroy my happiness, LET IT BE.
Eventually, they will stop.
Because why?
Because I dont bother to get paranoid of all this.
It's really stupid.

For all I know that I am blessed that I still have both my parents.
Even if I hate their attitude.

I have my loving friends. Alot to mention here.
But you guys are my antidote to my sadness.
There's no doubt about it.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, who stays true to me.
You have been the best and you know it.
Rest assured that you will be my one and only.

Im outta here.
Takecare (:

19th monthsary

2009-03-02T16:20:00.003+08:00

I love you. Period.
No other guys; just you.
Happiness is sealed.
I trust him.
There's no way you can stop.

2009-03-02T12:37:00.004+08:00

KEPALA HOTAK KAU!
Jeng Jeng Jeng.

Let me settle my bills first before I do a proper update.
Be back in an hour's time.

BBFC.
LiLiy, aku tau kau mesti senyum bile bace nie.

2009-02-28T22:26:00.001+08:00

this heart beats real damn fast thinking of it.
what in the world has gotten into this sick brain of mine.

im still waiting.

2009-02-28T20:08:00.000+08:00

Keep doing whatever you think satisfy you.
Im fucking out of here.

Shut the FUCK up!

2009-02-27T16:21:00.002+08:00

Another suay mood of mine.
And once again I cant do a proper update.
Im feeling god damn shit!

Sometimes I wonder why people like to bring down one's mood.
Cannot see people happy.
Trying to find one way or another to push the luck.
Fuck you.

You made me swell.
You sickens me.

Dont tell me that I dont know what you're doing.
I know.

Knnccb.

2009-02-26T22:33:00.002+08:00

Not really into the mood of blogging today.
Dont know why.
I feel like killing somebody.
SERIOUSLY.

Will post a proper entry tomorrow.
I promise.

Love is in the air

2009-02-25T12:49:00.003+08:00

As promised, pictures up!
Well, he gotten back his Adidas jacket which means I cant drool on his jacket anymore. DANG IT!
Im going out later so I need to get ready now.
Or else, I will be slaughtered by LiLiy.

I LOVE YOU PANTAT!
Ok bye.